Congratulations on your serious commitment to remaining sober. I was a binge drinker and I remember having a difficult time accepting that I could not control and enjoy my drinking. Waking up scared, alone, and sick over and over taught me that I did not have any control over my behavior after I put alcohol in my body. When I entered recovery I learned that I could control whether I chose to take that first drink.
I hope you continue to make the choice not to drink alcohol. If you push through the first few months it gets easier to believe in yourself again.