I'm glad you posted too Mera. I'm embarrassed about my entire existence. Don't think for a moment you are alone there.
All we can do is get back up and give it another shot. If you're not part of the problem you are part of the solution.
I was seperated from my children when they were young. Not because I was a 'bad' mother, but because my husband and his family much more powerful than me and they won the day. I was young. I know how you must feel. Like you I saw them on weekends, etc., and see them now they are older. It can be made to work.
You have been through a lot as a woman Mera. Just get back in the saddle and ride out proud.