1 Year Sober
Hi All,
It's been a while since I posted, but thought I'd share some experiences after reaching a major milestone.
Firstly, I think if I hadn't found this site and lurked here for a few weeks, reading other people's posts, I would not be in the position I'm in today - so a big thank you to all who contribute here. It was especially helpful to be able to join the monthly threads for a couple of months, post and read how others were coping at the same stage of recovery.
When I first made the decision to quit (and it had to be my decision), I could not see further than getting through to the next day. I've now done this 366 times (typical it coincided with a leap year to make it 1 day more!). On that first day I could not comprehend never having another drink, so I just had to think I won't have one today, and so on. I still have thoughts (and dreams) of drinking again, but these have become fewer and less frequent now. I don't know if it will ever go away, but I know I can keep those thoughts at bay. I only have to think back to those first few days of detox to know I don't want to go through that again.
Some benefits:
Sleeping - yes it took a while, and I never thought I would be able to sleep again without alcohol, but finally I did. Don't know if anyone else had this, but I realised that I hadn't been dreaming prior to sleeping without alcohol. Just zonking out didn't give me any proper sleep so I didn't dream. The first dreams I had were terrible and so real - I was behaving so badly in them and waking up thinking it was reality, worrying how to face people. For the first 5 days I was so convinced things had really happened I was really glad my wife was around to try and convince me it hadn't (although it took a few days to believe her). Thankfully they didn't last for long and I am now sleeping great and feel so much better and rejuvenated, compared to being unconscious and waking up feeling dreadful.
Health - no more liver pains, and my tests have improved month on month. I also suffer badly from anxiety and my medication was not working well. Within a week of stopping drinking my meds have been working fine and I've had no issues since. I also had gastric issues which have also vastly improved.
No more hangovers - obviously
Time & Energy - I have so much more energy and time to do the things I (and my family) want. I now have time to spend with my wife and kids, instead of drinking and making excuses. I feel I have my family life back and my kids have a dad again. I am now able to concentrate on work.
My hands don't shake any more - how embarrassing was that?
The only real downside so far has been gaining weight, as I have used used chocolate etc. to dampen any urges. It's time to make a start on changing that now, as I want to get fitter. I've struggled to find AF drinks that I like to drink, but I have found AF beers to be useful for me (I know it's a controversial subject). There are a lot of poor tasting examples out there, but some are nice and I enjoy them as an occasional alternative to other soft drinks. I do drink too much coffee now.
It's been tougher these last few months, but I think and hope I'm through the worst now. I've just got to keep pushing on, one day at a time. I still visit the site daily and take inspiration from reading posts from other members. To anyone struggling out there - it's incredibly difficult at first, and it will feel like hell, but it is worth it if you can get past the first few days and weeks.
I'm so glad I found this resource, I honestly believe I would be dead in the next 5 years if I hadn't stopped when I did. Hopefully I will now last a bit longer than that to see my kids grow up.
Take care and stay sober.
Andy.