I messed up
I know, I need to work on myself. To know why I just could not stay away...I have a session this afternoon FYI. And I already had the exam and bloodwork for STD testing waiting for results (also just an FYI). I guess this is just a warning for those who don’t heed advice on this forum...which has been me. And I regret it.
Reconnected with M this weekend. Per usual, first night was great. Long talk, he wants a life with me, he has missed me so much, he will be a good man to me...I told him I wish I had met him before and his response was that doesn’t matter we just start from here.
next day hanging out..I went for a run in the am, shower, grilling and music...a fun spring day with a witty and charming man.and we start having sex. Yes, face palm...but he stops Awhile we are doing it and starts accusing me of having f$&ked someone while I was at the beach. & how it’s fine he just wants to know, he wants the truth and he wants me to tell him all about it. i Was shocked because I went to that beach for solitude...& yeah if I did meet someone I would tell him because we were over. But at this point I think ok this is a kinky thing...I keep insisting no, haven’t been with anyone. We finish, go about our evening. I try talking to him about it and say look I know you have been with a ton of women but I can count on one hand my partners. I didn’t do that. And he says just relax, drop it...I know you did and I just wish you would come clean. But let’s drop it.
we went out and yes, we both drank. He drank more than I have ever seen, but still was a jovial guy, whispering in my ear how much he loves met etc. On the Uber ride home he mentions how it would be nice if I started paying for things once in a while, since I know he had that break in employment. I said I do chip in and you would be out spending $$ drinking even if I wasn’t here don’t put that on me.”
We get home—-“I know you f$&ked someone at the beach & I don’t care, just confess.” Now I had been drinking and I yelled and smacked his hand. He flew into a rage and told me to get the F out of his house. Now! You hit me! Get out now!
it was 3 am and I am drunk. I couldn’t leave. And I told him that...he starts running through his house yelling how he does everything, I never do s$it for him, etc. Calms down and sits on the couch. Starts rocking back and forth, crying—“I think they spiked my drink. I see animals. Did you see that?”
at this point I am scared. he says he sees animals running through the living room. I am also not sober enough to leave. He starts about his wife, I have a wife so we can’t be together. He loves her. A few mins later he hated her. She beats him. How I need to just go, how all women are the same and after a few months they go crazy on him. And I will too. Then he says his wife doesn’t exist. Asks me to go buy cigarettes . Tell him he knows I spent all my cash. He says you have credit cards. I said oh so that’s what this is? I am an ATM? He got super angry again and said how can i think that’s all this was ver about. I said I think that’s hat it’s about now. He again tells me to GTFO. I again tell him why I can’t and beg to at least stay on the couch. He says no I want you in my bed next to me
Then how he needs to save his house. How if I help him save his house we can sell it for a profit and buy a big house together. A few mins later, no no it’s all on me to save this house. Me and my wife. I said oh ok...so she can help you. He said she won’t do **** for me, she has $30,000 in the bank and won’t give me a dime. I said well you are divorcing right? So why would she? I said what’s she going to say if you move to Pasadena with that woman? He said oh it will be a whole thing...
He passed out. I tried to sleep, just in shock. He was never violent before. And I mean like verbally...he still wasn’t physically violent. I am also in shock at my behavior. I can’t believe I slapped his hand. I can’t believe I slept with him again. Just got home to my place, safe and sound. Saw him this morning and it was just ok bye and a quick peck on the lips.