Originally Posted by
Gottalife 
I guess I had similar experience on my first serious attempt to sober up. It started with 70 days in rehab, which was pretty easy, but when I got back into the world, the wheels began falling off quite quickly. The next 80 or 90 days were a steady descent into the sort of thing you describe, loads of anxiety and in the end I could not get out of bed. Almost paralyzed with fear. In terms of recovery work I was doing absolutely zero and had rejected all offers of help, believing that I could fix my own problems. I could not.
A year or so later I had joined the AA program of action and was very much surprised to find myself at the 90 day mark and things were looking really good. I never drank again and. while I have been through some rough spots, have never been back to that awful misery of when I was trying to fix myself.
Why such a big difference in results from the different approaches? Here's my theory The AA experience suggests that when we straighten out spiritually, physical and mental healing follows. By that I mean when we get right with ourselves and the world around us, it relieves a massive amount of pressure. I brought a lot of baggage into sobriety. Memories of things I did that disgusted me, people I hurt, lots of unresolved issues that kept me in a constant state of fear and anxiety, wondering what would happen if someone found out, what if I accidentally bumped into someone from the past, just always looking over my shoulder etc.
On my first attempt I just tried to ignore or deny those issues, thinking that if I would just not drink, everything else would get better. It didn't, it got worse. On my second attempt I did the things I had refused to do previously. I wasn't unique in that regard. Nobody likes what is involved in the AA program at the start. We pretty much all wish there was an easier way, But there was not. I did not understand why certain things were necessary, much of it seemed counter intuitive but I was out of options. I found that understanding, in this case, came from doing.
I'm glad things are going better for you. I myself am working a twelve step program.
I do have to say though that the "when we work through the spiritual malady our physical condition straightens out" idea is ideology from AA, not medically driven. A lot of things going on after sobriety are not just mental or "spiritual," they are physiological. Someone doesn't have a damaged liver or vitamin deficiency that can only be fixed by meditation, prayer, doing inventories, etc. They need medical help to address those, or lots of time as the body heals. My point is that the body isn't healing because someone isn't being spiritual. The steps may address some aspects, such as personal work, and AA provides a strong support group, which is important. What's likely happening is that some people work steps and get support, and stay long enough that the body and brain start to heal. It's not because of the steps per se, unless it's because the steps kept them sober long enough for the natural healing process to start.