Those feelings are very tough to deal with Jeff. It is your AV at its most cunning and most brutal. That dirty bugger is trying to convince you that you are irredeemable so you may as well drink. Of course nobody cares about a bad guy drinking. Dirty little AV.
You are a good person Jeff. We've all done things we regret. Everyone, addict or not, sober or not, the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker. Regret is universal.
You have a good 30-40 years in front of you Jeff, if you are lucky. What do you want to fill it with?
I hope you are sober this morning man.