Hello there.
I understand how you are feeling. I did drink when I was pregnant with my daughter. I didn't realise I was alcoholic then and even though I tired so hard not to I did. I would have a little port glass that I would fill with wine and sip at it. Not everyday but some days. I am ashamed to say that at only 3 months pregnant on New years Eve I had a few glasses of champagne and actually felt quite tipsy. Most of my drinking was in my first trimester which I read that is the worst time to drink not that there is a good time I suppose when you are pregnant. I would drink and then lie in bed crying and googling alcohol fetal syndrome. Luckily I ended up getting terrible acid reflux and physically coudnt take it. Maybe my Higher Power was doing for me what I could not do for myself??? But yeh I felt like you do now. Scared. Guilty. Ashamed.
My daughter is nearly 8 and perfect. Although she was born premature and to this day I will never know if that was because I drank or not. But she is amazing and I am so blessed. I have heard stories since I have been in AA ( I finally managed to get sober just before her 6th birthday) of people drinking bottles of gin and more when pregnant. Not that I recommend that at all! What's done is done. You can't change that now but you can STOP drinking altogether starting from now.
Best wishes to you and your baby and please please commit to sobriety. I wish I had gone to AA when I was pregnant. I was trying CBT instead as I knew there was something wrong with me, I didn't realise it was alcoholism and I wish I had been completely sober the first 6 years of her life. I am making up for lost time now though.
Lots of love 🙏♥️🙏