Thanks for all the posts! The advice is very good, and I have been here every day reading, just not writing.
I have two observations tonight.
I drink to avoid NOT taking an hour to fall asleep. I'm mostly "addicted" to making the transition from laying down in bed to the sleep time less than an hour. I have a hard time sleeping. I THINK I always have, but it's hard to recall. I know that when I was in High School, the transition was not as difficult, but in college I didn't like going to bed because I liked talking to my classmates about our studies, and I developed a habit of staying up late and then getting up early. As I've grown older, those debates are no longer there, but the inability to fall asleep has continued. Interesting, me thinks. ^_^
The other is that I have things I WANT to do now, but drinking interferes with them. During the day, I am fine - there is no desire to drink at all. When I'm at work, I am fine, but as soon as I get home, regardless of what I WANT to do - well... my pattern is in place. I want to make sure I can fall asleep without tossing and turning, so I start the beer (recently as late as I can and after a decent meal - usually 11pm or so) so I can get to bed at a "decent" hour which, for me, is 2 or 3am. But the amount is too much. I know that.
And, the cycle continues, because after 5 or 6 drinks, I cannot wake up in the morning well. The hangovers are gone, but I still cannot motivate myself to get up.
I want to USE the time I have during the day to do what I want to do, but I have obligations, which I fulfill just fine. I go to work and do my job and I get home without that beer on the train, but I get stuck once I am AT home now.
Still trying to change that habit. It's not easy, for those of you that are trying to control your drinking, this is what I am going through, and I expect anyone will experience the same thing.
Anyway - my two cents for tonight.
Sorry for not writing back sooner, but it has been a busy week.
later,
-tank