Anna - thank you for your support. My therapist said I need to practice self-compassion, which is not the same as self-pity. She said self-pity is like putting yourself down, but self-compassion is like being patient with yourself and acknowledging the situation you're in might actually be really hard, that you're afraid, and that sometimes we make mistakes when we are used to coping in a certain way. Thank you for adding to that advice she gave, by suggesting I be still with myself and trust myself to make the right decision. It might take a few days.
Wastinglife - yes, I live in California. Many students have left my college town, the roommate pool is smaller, and no one wants anyone from out of town who might be carrying the plague into our relatively safe rural area where we only had about 55 cases, most of which have already recovered. The challenge here is finding suitable replacements, because my landlord is being a hard ass about us breaking the lease. It actually offended me that he's being such a shark when our pool of roommates is clearly smaller, or more dangerous to pick from if the person is coming from LA or the Bay Area or out of state. I am offended on many levels - my landlord being such a stickler, my annoying roommate who is trying to control the entire situation to her own benefit when she just barely moved in herself, and the pain of having to leave a place where I was comfortable for nearly two years when I already feel insecure because of the pandemic and leaving grad school and where will I work....it's just...too much.