I'm sorry for everything you're going through. I've had to live with narcissists before and my advice would be.... Move out.... As soon as you can. Once you see someone as being narcissistic and once they see that you see them,.... Well, in my experience, the gas lighting, manipulation, lying and toxic behaviour just intensifies from that point. Narcissists don't change, they never change and they can be clever at hiding who they are. But once you see it, you can't unsee it and for your own peace of mind, you need to get away. My worst periods of drinking occurred when I lived with narcissists and I'm not blaming them for that.... They didn't put the bottle in my hand, that was all me...... But recovery involves developing self awareness. I know enough about myself now to know I can't handle day to day living with a narcissist. Some people can, I can't. I couldn't handle living with your controlling flat mate and it sounds like neither can you. Increase the value you place on yourself, put yourself first and start making a plan to move out. It may not be easy .... But living there isn't easy. I really feel for you because I've been there and understand the hurt, confusion and pain but you are strong enough to get out of there and put all this behind you. And you already know this, but drinking makes everything worse. Come here for support when you want to drink. You owe it to yourself to stay sober .... Give yourself the best possible chance of using this difficult time to start a brand new chapter. Good luck xx