When I woke up this morning I called my landlord, raging about the roommate situation, because I had told him just yesterday I wanted to stay long-term and would try to make it work.
I also felt completely dizzy, out-of-it, and had weird intrusive thoughts, anxiety and heart palpitations.
Thus the beer, so I would at least not be having a full blown panic attack all day long. At one point I was actually worried about my physical health. I'm not sure when the last time was that I actually drank that much, it was even more than my usual wine binge. For a horrific moment I wondered if I had swallowed a piece of my broken wine glass, before I realized there would probably be evidence of that after being passed out for a few hours, like blood or pain or having to go to the ER.
I threw up wine in an empty bowl. That's why I say "a little" because normally if I get sick from alcohol I would really vomit, not spit-up a bowl full of half-digested wine.
I had to delete ridiculous posts I made on Twitter, which may have actually given out dangerous identifying information of myself. Half of it didn't even make sense.
My emails to my therapist and ex-roommate were surprisingly coherent, but obviously drunk writing. I also asked my other two roommates to give me support or help me in some way in the situation with the other roommate, which embarrasses me, because they did not give me that help or support. That's another reason I refused to go to their stupid little meeting tonight. Did anyone ask if I was okay? No.
I'm writing down all of these details so that I have a record of how dangerous, disgusting and unhelpful it was for me to choose to drink. It didn't change anything for the better.