Yes I need to leave. I was trying to hold on to the house because I really love it, trying to bargain and compromise, but it's not going to work. I even emailed one of my ex-roommates while I was drunk and she told me that getting away and living alone or with one other person would be the best thing for me. She is the person who I got the house with originally, she's a very trustworthy and responsible person, and we had our differences to be sure, but it was nice to hear from her.
It's a great house, great location. But all of this is making me realize just how disrespected I feel and how hard it has been to live here for the past six months or so. I have had three different roommates come and go out of the same bedroom in that time, and no matter how responsible I am or what I do, it seems like people don't acknowledge that I am doing as much as I am and are just behaving like brats. I have literally one roommate who I think is responsible and has a lot of integrity (who I thankfully share a bathroom with), and he doesn't even have my back with this new woman. He doesn't want to be bothered. He wants to stay out of it. He's very passive, a loner really, he stayed in his room all the time even before the pandemic, I can't fully even call him a friend.
It's time to go. But it's hard. It's hard to have to move. To leave a place I've lived for two years. On the other hand, now it's hard to stay here. The stress I felt last night was so terrible and I used it as an excuse to drink.
Next time I need to use that feeling to make a necessary change. It's the only way. Those bad feelings are there for a reason, not to be ignored or drank away for a few hours.