Faith, Spirituality, Hope
I hope you'll bear with me on this, it makes sense to me!
One of the things I've really struggled with, both in AA many years ago and reading people on this board, is the idea of spirituality and spiritual growth. I was raised in a strict religious family that scarred me somewhat, and I don't understand spirituality outside religion, faith and god.
But on Easter weekend I was going for a walk early in the morning and the sun was coming up on the horizon. I was emotional, crying as I walked, early on in sobriety (as I still am) and feeling pretty raw. And as I walked I felt an amazing sense of peace, that as I walked something bigger than me existed.
Its hard to explain but I felt strongly that if I did my bit, then whatever it was/is would 'do the rest'. It wasn't a religious experience, the message that I could only control my own behaviour was being reinforced by people on this site and in therapy. But it coincided with the beautiful sunrise; the Christian message of new birth and forgiveness; and the Easter tradition of new life, the earth rejuvenating and the eternal moving of the seasons.
That feeling hasn't stayed with me but whenever I find myself getting really anxious or worrying about my future (that happens a lot!), or about what people think of me or what may or may not happen - I take myself back to that sunrise and remind myself I can only keep working today on me, my sobriety and my personal growth. It really helps to picture the sun because even if I can't see it I know it's there, which seems like a good picture for the hope.
Thats all really soppy and out of character for who I am (or maybe who i was) but I know that if I do my bit everything will be ok, whatever that looks like