Thanks everyone for your kindness. Even though I can't stop crying, I know things will work out.
SR has taught me so much, and of course I will keep coming here.
Seeing him just carrying on as normal after he had delivered his breakup speech to me was very telling.
Last night, DS came to sit on my bed to talk for about an hour. It was a calm, positive chat about the future, and it was lovely. We talked about how we can shape our home with different rules if we want, through negotiation. I've been very frustrated that we cant all eat together every night, for example. We can now.
AH was very cold, but I could see a weird look in his eye...he had just had to relinquish some control over what I say and do.
He's quite worried I will badmouth him to the kids, insisting there are two sides to every story. I think me pointing out he's neglecting his relationship with his sons has hit home.
SR has shone a light onto his behaviour, and helped me to understand my reactions too. I'm on a different path now. Just gotta keep walking.