Its over

Old 04-18-2020, 02:29 AM
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Its over

Today we made the decision to separate.
Even though I knew it was coming, its heartbreaking.
I can't think.
I went to sit down with everyone to eat in front of the tv, but thought...I don't belong in this scene anymore.
I now know why I put this decision off for so long.
Its just business as usual for AH.
20 years. Done.
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Old 04-18-2020, 03:47 AM
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I'm sorry womatics, that the end has come. 20 years is a long time.
now is the time for a new beginning. It's painful and difficult it's also different and challenging
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Old 04-18-2020, 04:22 AM
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I'm so sorry.
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Old 04-18-2020, 04:54 AM
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Life has taught me that life will take me to where I am supposed to go.

Trust that, keep your faith and know that better days are ahead.

The lessons of the past will give you courage to go forward into the future of new beginnings.

Keeping you in my prayers, that healing and happiness await you.

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Old 04-18-2020, 05:54 AM
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Wombaticus…….change can be hard, at first....even when it is a change for the better,,,,,,,
Try to keep your head turned toward the future and not on the past....that will make it easier....
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Old 04-18-2020, 06:16 AM
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((((hugs))))

Mango212 here. I'm starting fresh in my life in many ways, including a new username and account here.

I get it. I've been there. Keep posting. It can help in amazing ways, many of which get discovered over time.
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Old 04-18-2020, 07:22 AM
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Hugs Wombaticus, I can only imagine how difficult this is. You will get through it and I am certain you will be stronger and happier on the other side.
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Old 04-18-2020, 07:40 AM
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I know just exactly what you are going through. I was past the 20year mark when I left the father of my children too. Gutting stuff. It's going to take some time for your new normal to regulate, and it will take a little more time for the pain to ease to a dull ache, but you will get there. For a while I wondered if I'd ever be happy again, but at least I wasn't living in an angry/scared state of anxiety anymore. Slowly but surely life got better..and better...and better yet. It takes a while to adjust to a new way of life Wom, but it will be worth it.
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Old 04-18-2020, 08:59 AM
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(((hugs))). leaving was one of the hardest and most courageous things I ever did. It was well worth it!
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Old 04-18-2020, 09:30 AM
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The first few days (maybe even a week or two) after that decision is made, can be hard. Everything is in flux. The example you gave of sitting down to eat and it not feeling "right" anymore is a really good example of that.

Everything that was normal in your home life is now not normal (good and bad). Those are tough changes absolutely.

But in many ways it is like any big change, change of job, new child, moving to a new place, your new life will become normal, but it takes time. Of course this is a sad decision so it makes it even harder.

But, it will change and you will be ok and you won't always feel sad about it.

His reaction is obviously cool as you mentioned, he just carries on. That just goes to show that he is lacking some of those really important attributes that add to a relationship, compassion, connected-ness, which, of course is why your relationship is where it is.

It will get better and in pretty short order, just try to hold on to that when you are feeling down. There is an upside to this, there is a freedom, you just haven't really experienced it yet.
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Old 04-18-2020, 11:35 AM
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I know what you are feeling right now. There is no way to even come close to being able to say anything to make it better. I hope you can find some peace in your decision, in time I am sure you will.
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Old 04-18-2020, 11:58 AM
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Thanks everyone for your kindness. Even though I can't stop crying, I know things will work out.
SR has taught me so much, and of course I will keep coming here.
Seeing him just carrying on as normal after he had delivered his breakup speech to me was very telling.
Last night, DS came to sit on my bed to talk for about an hour. It was a calm, positive chat about the future, and it was lovely. We talked about how we can shape our home with different rules if we want, through negotiation. I've been very frustrated that we cant all eat together every night, for example. We can now.
AH was very cold, but I could see a weird look in his eye...he had just had to relinquish some control over what I say and do.
He's quite worried I will badmouth him to the kids, insisting there are two sides to every story. I think me pointing out he's neglecting his relationship with his sons has hit home.
SR has shone a light onto his behaviour, and helped me to understand my reactions too. I'm on a different path now. Just gotta keep walking.
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Old 04-18-2020, 12:06 PM
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Be safe. Are you in contact with an abuse recovery center or hotline?
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Old 04-18-2020, 12:56 PM
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Originally Posted by nikegoddess112 View Post
Be safe. Are you in contact with an abuse recovery center or hotline?
No, but have some wonderful friends, a counsellor. DS has a great GP, and counsellor too. I feel safe right now, but am ready to act if needed.
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Old 04-18-2020, 02:47 PM
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I’m so sorry. try to see it a bit like a boil that had to be lanced. It will get a bit worse in order to start healing. And healing (slowly) it does. You’ll soon feel such relief once you are in your own space. Lighter. You will begin to get your sense of self again and be able to cope with what’s to come. Hugs xxx
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Old 04-18-2020, 10:04 PM
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Sorry W, I know you didn't want it to come to this, but it couldn't go on much longer could it?
I'm glad you have a great support network around you. You will get though this and have a happier life.
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Old 04-18-2020, 10:40 PM
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Wombaticus,
I know a lot of us on SR have had to create a new different life for ourselves than the ones we knew with our A's. Give yourself a lot of grace through this process because there will be steps forward and back on this new path you find yourself on. Check in as much as you need to.
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Old 04-19-2020, 03:40 PM
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So now DS tells me he has been drinking every now and then over the last 4 months.
Heart is breaking.
The mountain to climb just gets bigger.
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Old 04-19-2020, 04:12 PM
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how old is your son?
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Old 04-19-2020, 08:23 PM
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15 and very depressed.
he says its been about once a month.
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