I know just exactly what you are going through. I was past the 20year mark when I left the father of my children too. Gutting stuff. It's going to take some time for your new normal to regulate, and it will take a little more time for the pain to ease to a dull ache, but you will get there. For a while I wondered if I'd ever be happy again, but at least I wasn't living in an angry/scared state of anxiety anymore. Slowly but surely life got better..and better...and better yet. It takes a while to adjust to a new way of life Wom, but it will be worth it.