God this is unbearable. We did stuff with the kids today on a beach theme, based on a place we always went on holiday. I also went as a kid. Knowing this won't happen again as a family is breaking me.

im sorry for going on but I've got nobody to talk to and am in floods of tears and don't really know the point of this anymore. I really don't want anyone to tell me about the future or it being better because I'm hurting and broken and just want out