I feel your pain and despair Manta Lady.
It surely isn't easy this thing we are doing.
I think everybody goes through alot of pain and suffering before beating addiction, alcoholism.
Some manage to keep it together while others don't. Maybe some are stronger than others, maybe the animal addiction is stronger in some than in others, maybe some are more broken than others, who knows. All I know is you deserve better than this and you have the power inside you to act on it.
Addiction robs us everything.
It's slow suicide.
I'm regret not having been connected more yesterday. You were there for me 19 days ago when I was in a hole. Feel free to PM me if you wish. I don't know if I will have the answers and advice you need but I will try.
Salutations to all the weekenders.
These are really worrying times. 830+ deaths here yesterday. When is it going to stop.
If anyone is interested I watched Le Mans 66 yesterday evening about Ken Miles and Carroll Shelby. Excellent film. Well worth it.