Freshout, I feel for you. I know what it's like, both where you are at, and where I'm at. I can honestly say where I've gotten to is worth the fight.
Here are some things that helped me fight.
First, I got into the habit of saying to myself "You're just hungry" whenever I got an urge or craving. Then as soon as I could I would eat something - whether I was hungry or not. It might just be a protein bar but taking the time to eat something allowed the urge to fade into obscurity.
Second, I play both movies to the end. By that I mean I start the drinking movie right at the beginning (first sip) and with as much detail as I can remember exactly how it goes, including chasing the buzz after it fades, getting more and more drunk, passing out, coming to, feeling miserable and hung over the first day, still not back to good the second day. I include all the guilt and shame associated with the episode.
Next I play the movie from not taking a drink to where I am today. I think about what I will do for the rest of the day. I fall asleep, not pass out. I wake up , not come to. I feel good right from the start of the day. I do enjoyable things throughout the next day. I'm able to shrug off the not so enjoyable parts of life.
By the time I've done both of those things I've made my choice. I won't drink.
There's a couple of threads I check on and post in each morning on the SMART website. One is: I will not drink today because -
https://www.smartrecovery.org/commun...ted-by-RoseH20)
and the other is: 5 positive things a day check in -
https://www.smartrecovery.org/commun...ead-March-2020
The positivity and reasons definitely help my resolve.
Finally. some of the SMART tools like a Cost Benefit Analysis really help. There are tools for building and maintaining motivation, coping with urges, managing thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, as well as living a balanced life (without alcohol). Sometimes just reading about a tool helps. Sometimes I have to work the tool.