From my scientific viewpoint regarding addiction, the desire to drink is the permanent brain damage from decades of drinking.
At 30 days clean, my brain had yet to rewire around the booze damaged areas. At 90 days clean, I was showing symptoms of insanity. The crave was fierce.
The reason was because I didn't get the natural opiates I used to get from booze. The drunken laughter and glazed eyed relaxed euphoria. The world moved too fast. Lights were too bright.
The return to some normalcy took me the better part of 2 years. Now at 4 plus years without a booze or drug induced buzz, my brain gets high on life pretty normally.
Getting home from work and knowing that I am going to throw on my comfy tshirt and sweater, enjoy some delicious home cooked foods, watch a great movie etc. All provide me dopemine now.
Looking forward to a night out with my wife or going on a vacation next month will give me happiness.
Before it was only booze that did this.
Everything else didn't really matter.
It was only the booze. I needed my fix.
My av will do and say anything to get the fix, only to do and say anything to get another fix.
It is a broken record, a viscous cycle. It can only only only ever be stopped by never never never drinking booze again.
Booze is a highly addictive neurotoxin that alters my brain. The damage is permanent. Each relapse worsens the damage.
This is how I stay clean.
Thanks.