This is a really difficult situation for you and very sad. You seem like such a good person who has the best intentions.
Your AH has entered the non functioning part of the alcoholics journey where they know better but the physical and mental addiction has taken over. At this stage, his behavior is very difficult for the non alcoholic partner to understand.
When I was deep into my addiction, even though withdrawals were horribly uncomfortable, what made it worse was the way that I felt when trying to stay sober. It was an ugly disconnect towards life that went deeper then my love for anyone or anything in my life. I felt that I wasn't human outside of my drinking.
This is what makes us do the awful things we do to the people we love. It feels like we are living outside of ourselves.
If you are getting pulled into this vortex with him then you must do what you can to save yourself and family because you cannot do anything for him unless he does something for himself.
I am sure he has deep shame and guilt for his behavior but his addiction trumps everything.