OddSunflower,
Sorry, for such a rough couple of days. The other group spreading bad information instead of just helping out. That is no way to run a support forum.
Sorry, for you sadness in having to deal with your AH. Him telling you that you guys hate him and treat him poorly is his way to belittle you. If you hated him you wouldn't of had dinner ready for him when he came home. Also not telling him one of the kids needed baseball pants. Such a low thing on the totem pole of life. I sure you had the kids baseball pants under control and really didn't need to tell him. It's not like you forgot to tell him there's smoke coming from the car's engine for the past week. Some things need to be discussed, some can be handle without it. You shouldn't of had to apologize for that one.
I am sad today. Grieving all the could haves and should haves and might have beens. I am tired...for my kids and for myself.
What I wanted to ask in the other group (more aimed towards mental health type diagnosis and co-morbidity) is why they hang on when they are always saying that they want to give up? Do they really want to give up or just looking for attention? I don't want him to give up per se but something has to give eventually. He is going to kill himself with the drinking and he is taking our family down with him.
He does the thing he does for attention and to keep the status quo. I know you don't want him to give up. you want the man you feel in love with. But he has to get help and to want to be helped. There is no amount of yelling, apologizing, or making deals that will do it. It is all up to him. Until he does this things will just keep going in a loop for you. He will stop for a while and then something will happen and he will be right back to where things started. The best thing you can do is to look after yourself and your kids.