Hey Stable
Years ago I was a daily drinker for maybe 10 years, then after I met my now husband I cut down to binging a few times a week. When I got pregnant 5 years ago I quit altogether for about 14 months then gradually it crept back in. ..the odd night out turned into just fridays turned into 2 nights turned into 3-4 nights of complete excess each week. Which is where I've been for the past few years, give or take a couple of week to month long attempts at sobriety.
I used to tell myself all kinds of things...
I'm not drinking daily...
It's just the weekends..
I dont drink in the day..
I dont drink until my son is asleep..
If I just stop drinking for long enough, the desire will go.
The truth is, binging was just as (if not more) damaging as the daily drinking. I was still as addicted as I ever was , but I had this illusion that somehow I was in control because I could abstain for a few days at a time. But I was lying to myself.
I dont think the amount we drink or the patterns we drink in are the problem. We focus on the wrong things. It's the impact its having on us that's important. You clearly dont want to be where you are anymore. Whatever you've done before has led you back there so think about what you can do that's different?