Sounds like untreated alcoholism.
This is the other side of alcoholism that no one likes to talk about much.
Everyone seems to prefer the stories about those who stopped drinking and life took on new meaning, it got better, things eased, finally found comfort etc.
But the other side is this thing you seem to be experiencing ... a dull grey monotone world, cannot seem to get comfortable, the shiny side of things seems elusive if not downright unobtainable.
Have you sought a treatment program beyond just putting the plug in the jug ?
'A program for living' perhaps ?
( to quote a certain book.)