Jeff, I may have to back out a little from trying to help you, right now. I gotta echo Dee's last post. I also just bumped a couple things from your 2015 thread about getting serious about quitting.
I'm always one to say there is hope while there is still life, but we don't get infinite chances. IRL I would feel like continuing to support and discuss the same things over and over with someone who clearly doesn't want, isn't ready, or has some reason not to quit is bad for me - and them.
Like with a friend the other day, I care about you and you have a special place in my heart since we've been on this forum about the same time. Yet like the friend who told me the other day that she had a big decision to make about whether to quit (again - she had over a yr sober from when I first got to know her), "but using is just so fun." It is actually the opposite of it for her right now - she's a flat out mess- but she won't give it up.
I hope that won't be you. You CAN do this - you just have to.