This last episode was horrible.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
This last episode was horrible.
I'll try to keep this as short as can be. If you were concerned about me, I appreciate it, I was concerned about me this last go round. I want to end this post on a high note so I'll start with the bad stuff. I spiraled out of control over a family dispute. That in combination with a job interview that went ka-put, my brain was like a hand grenade. So I drank.....and drank...and drank. And when it came time to pay the piper it was bad. I am usually able to recover in 24 hours. This last time took me 4 days to get back to normal. I thought seizure, heart attack and stroke were all on the table. Shakes and weakness were almost uncontrollable. Fear of impending doom came and went. The whole thing left me with a healthy dose of fear of alcohol.
Now the so called good news, I made it out alive and got myself stabilized. But something happened this time and I can't put my finger on it. My view towards alcohol changed. I absolutely don't feel I am depriving myself of anything, and I view it as what it is I guess, which is poison. Now, I did not have this change of thought as a conscious decision, I didn't "flip a switch", I just woke up one of those days and felt different. Maybe my higher power performed some type of devine intervention. Don't know.
Lastly, I'm guessing some of you may ask what I may add to assist in my sobriety, like AA. Well, I thought about that. I came to believe strongly in a higher power a few years ago, and I think I am going to find a church to attend. THere are plenty around where I live that are my denomination? (not even sure what the right word is here, not a religious person).
Anyway, I HAD to go radio silent for awhile and get my head out of my rear end. Damn ridiculous and shameful. But here I am. Hope all of you are well. Jeff.
Now the so called good news, I made it out alive and got myself stabilized. But something happened this time and I can't put my finger on it. My view towards alcohol changed. I absolutely don't feel I am depriving myself of anything, and I view it as what it is I guess, which is poison. Now, I did not have this change of thought as a conscious decision, I didn't "flip a switch", I just woke up one of those days and felt different. Maybe my higher power performed some type of devine intervention. Don't know.
Lastly, I'm guessing some of you may ask what I may add to assist in my sobriety, like AA. Well, I thought about that. I came to believe strongly in a higher power a few years ago, and I think I am going to find a church to attend. THere are plenty around where I live that are my denomination? (not even sure what the right word is here, not a religious person).
Anyway, I HAD to go radio silent for awhile and get my head out of my rear end. Damn ridiculous and shameful. But here I am. Hope all of you are well. Jeff.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Well done Jeff.
Another hiding from booze can sometimes be exactly what is needed to spur us into some more action.
AA worked for me, I soooo did not want to go either.
All I can say is I am sooo very glad I swallowed my pride and did it.
Another hiding from booze can sometimes be exactly what is needed to spur us into some more action.
AA worked for me, I soooo did not want to go either.
All I can say is I am sooo very glad I swallowed my pride and did it.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
I’m glad you’ve made it back and have an appointment with your therapist. Add in whatever you need to be it church or meetings or even something else. Years ago I found sobriety on my yoga mat for example.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
It's good to see you, Jeff. It sounds like you went through a tough few days. I'm glad you're planning to see your therapist on Friday, and know that we are here for you, always.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 464
You've found the sober path. Don't divert.
Another such episode could have severe consequences.
I went AF after decades of chronic abuse. Went straight to my doctor and had a battery of tests done to make sure hadn't completely corroded my insides. I was fortunate. Now I stay AF--Permanently.
Another such episode could have severe consequences.
I went AF after decades of chronic abuse. Went straight to my doctor and had a battery of tests done to make sure hadn't completely corroded my insides. I was fortunate. Now I stay AF--Permanently.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Woodburn, OR
Posts: 422
It’s so good to see you feeling better. I recently had a very different view develop on the way I see alcohol. It’s straight up poison that messes with our brains along with the temporary physical high. Not worth it. We here for you and thank you for the update. 🤗
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Glad you made it back. While you were away, I learned that a past workmate of mine is in the hospital on a ventilator with failing kidneys due to a recent extended binge. He was never that heavy of a drinker that i knew of at least, but since he retired he apparently spiraled down as his job was his whole life. He hasn't even been gone for a full calendar year and the docs give him about a 50-50 chance of making it through.
Point being, we don't get unlimited chances at this. I hope you seize the opportunity you've been given.
Point being, we don't get unlimited chances at this. I hope you seize the opportunity you've been given.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
I know that after a binge I always thought I'd had some life changing feeling or realization that would put me down the sober path. But I always ended up in the same place... drinking. Those realizations were short lived but I felt this time was different. It really never was.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
After the first of the year I always get a physical, mine was last week. While there we did a full blood panel. Got the results next day: kidney and liver function "slightly" (and he emphasized slightly) elevated. We are having some issues with my blood pressure, so trying a new combination of meds. But overall things are good thankfully.
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