I found that whenever I went out to do more research into my addictions that using and drinking just weren't any fun anymore.... WHY?? Cuz I knew better! Once your denial is gone, it's just not fun... I always know that I'll end up in the same head space,filled with self loathing and physically sick to boot.
Once you can wrap your head around something like that YOU will be able to accept the fact that it was fun and now it's not.
Congrats on the come back!!