I agree, your trying and that's a big step. I believe the disease is like finding God. Just because you know he's out there doesn't mean you truely believe it. You have to have faith. That's why people like me are called "seekers". We are looking for the answers.
Like you with quitting drinking. You know you need to, you believe you probably can do it. Your seeking the answers and one day you will find it but you have to have faith you will. It doesn't happen over night. You need to learn about the disease and fight it. Don't look at the big picture. Start small with choices. For today don't take that sip and then move on to the next choice. You have learned a way of life and that's the "alcoholic" way. Now you need to learn how to live sober, like sober people do. You don't have to be like everyone else, you just have to live your way sober. It doesn't have to be dreadful and depressing and boring. It's all in the way you make it. Change the way you think by changing the way you drink. Ahhhh hahaha I rhymed. Good luck sweetie. Your a seeker and that's just fine