While reading your post, I kept having the feeling you know what is wrong, why you fumble, and that you know what you have to do. You've already explained most of what I would have told you. So now it's about taking action from what I can tell. There are still plenty of tips and support you can find here, as you begin your journey.
You have been through the recognition of the problem, the failed attempts, and the shame. These are the same things most of us have gone through before we began recovery. I think it's a good time for you to begin.