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Cruising past day 10

Old 01-31-2020, 05:06 AM
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Cruising past day 10

Hey Everyone,

I've been lurking around here for a little bit now, but wanted to refrain from posting until I made some progress. Last night I hit the 10 day mark! I've been to 10 days many times before. Close to 6 months once. Something about this time feels different. Maybe I want it more. Maybe the cycle has just gotten old. I'm 38 which means my drinking career is 20 years long and taken up more than half my life.

If I had to describe my drinking I would call it extremely structured problem binging. I've never drank daily, although at my peak back in 2013 it was probably 5 days a week. I "managed" it for the next several years with stretches of sobriety between a couple weeks and up to that 6 month mark. But, like many of us, I got too confident or too apathetic, or just too week.

Each time I've fallen back in I think it's when, like now, I feel good. I have a leadership position at work and it's easy sometimes to feel that when I feel decent physically, that I'm not at a point where I'm required to make a change. But the cycle I mentioned is exhausting. The hangovers, the guilt, the quiet disappointment from my wife. But possible the most significant change is now my kids are 10 and 12. They know something is up when I drink...although they've never seen a bottle touch my lips because I've always hid my drinking. They know when dad's asleep at 7:30 on a weeknight something is up. They know when I try to help them with math and I'm making no sense that something is up. Finally, last week after my most recent early evening retirement, I was putting my 12 year old to sleep. He was hesitant to ask a question and I didn't know what direction he was going...honestly wasn't expecting this one. "Dad, when and how are you going to control your drinking?" Whoa, since when did you start attending Al Anon? I gave a quick but honest answer...something to the effect of it's hard, but i'm working on it and I want to stop. I also had to throw in that this is why when you get older you and your brother should never drink...it runs in the family.

So as I age, I feel the effects more on my body, and my children are more aware and impacted....it's time. I don't want to be this guy anymore. Everyone on here asks about people's plan. Mine is simple at the moment. I've been on here every morning committing to another 24 hours. I'll lurk around here around mid day to read some threads. My evenings I've been exercising....and eating everything in site. I read more threads. I pray. I write daily affirmations. I've tried AA in the past, half-heartedly I admit, but the system doesn't click for me. I've been reading and practicing more of the rational recovery, dealing with my AV and etc. My sister used to call me Data, like from Star Trek, when I was a kid. I'm totally a numbers and logical type thinker. Anyway, that's what I'm doing.

Even though I haven't posted much everyone out here impresses me so much. So many of you have been through 10 x what I have and are so driven, motivated and disciplined in your recoveries. You're also so accepting and loving towards all those still in the beginning stages. Thank you to all of you who consistently and sincerely hope and strive for everyone's recovery.

Have an amazing, kick butt, and sober day.
Noam.
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Old 01-31-2020, 05:38 AM
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Welcome noam!
Stay strong, it can be done..

If you feel the need or want to drink post up.
Someone is always here.

Like the Motel 6 commercial, we'll leave the light on for ya
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Old 01-31-2020, 06:26 AM
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Welcome Noam! I’m a 35 year old father of two: 4 and 7. I can relate to your life in that regard. Luckily, they are too young to really realize what alcohol did to me. I have talked to my 7 year old about not drinking when she grows up because it also runs in my family and my wife’s. She seems to understand. My 4 year old is too young for that talk. The guilt for “falling asleep” before them every night really got to be too much too handle.

Trying to juggle a career, two young kids, and a marriage is hard enough. Adding alcohol to that mix: impossible. I thought I had it all handled when I was drinking. I didn’t. Not even close. Now that I’ve stopped drinking, I’ve realized what is most important in my life. I’ve taken a step back in the career department and will probably continue that way. The stresses with work and money management were my biggest trigger for drinking. When people say that life gets easier and more manageable when you get sober, I can 100% confirm that.

Good luck with your journey. It’s worth it even if you can’t see that right now.
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Old 01-31-2020, 06:34 AM
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While reading your post, I kept having the feeling you know what is wrong, why you fumble, and that you know what you have to do. You've already explained most of what I would have told you. So now it's about taking action from what I can tell. There are still plenty of tips and support you can find here, as you begin your journey.

You have been through the recognition of the problem, the failed attempts, and the shame. These are the same things most of us have gone through before we began recovery. I think it's a good time for you to begin.
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Old 01-31-2020, 09:55 AM
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Hi Noam

I'm a family man too. I have 4 kids, 8,10,12 & 15.
My wife stayed too, we made it through and I'm 5.5 years sober 😃.

It's often said that we have to want it for ourselves and this is undoubtedly true, but for me, that came later. My initial motivation came from the following.

​​​​​​I knew if I didn't sort it out, my wife wasn't going to stay forever, they just don't anymore. There is no stigma around divorce anymore, there is a lot of help out there for people like us and they know it.
No one counsel's them to stay either, like they used to years ago, predominately the advice will be along the lines of "he's an alcoholic, he loves booze more than you, think of the children, go now before it gets worse".

That might be hard to hear, but just like you have been lurking and toying with the idea that something has to be done ... She will be too and is probably already receiving advice from her girlfriends, possibly your in laws, her work colleagues etc. Women don't hold all their stuff in, they talk it out. Not much of the advice will be empathetic towards you and your struggles with the booze.

I found a lot out after I got sober as to just how close I came to losing it all on the back of that type of advice.

I'm currently watching a friend of mine go through it with his wife being the drinker, he is close to leaving and she will be completely blindsided by it. It's so often the way it goes.

I also couldn't bare the thought of someone else raising my kids, again, this is just a fact we have to face up to. It happens A LOT. Blended families are everywhere, some kids get lucky and get a step dad they really like and grow to love, but a lot don't too.
Wanna roll those dice ?
I didn't, I knew that under the pile of alcoholic rubble was a decent father, husband, son and friend, I just had to get out from under it.

What ever path you choose, make it stick.


​​​
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Old 01-31-2020, 05:01 PM
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Congrats on day 10 noam

Its not the worst idea eve to post here a little more - it stops me being complacent anyway

D
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Old 02-02-2020, 04:54 PM
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Great post, Noam. Congratulations on 10 days. Your son sounds like an amazing young chap.
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Old 02-03-2020, 04:59 AM
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Thank you Lucinda. He's an amazing young chap indeed. Both my boys are. That's why they deserve a sober dad!
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Old 02-04-2020, 03:43 PM
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Welcome Noam. That you have this awareness and the proactive approach to dealing with booze now does you credit. Join threads at SR in the newcomer's, also meetings are good for me.
I had the awareness when I was your age- but decided if I could not stop boozing through willpower and ask for help- it would show I was weak. Which of course can be fatal thinking (and it was- many years later).
Support to you.
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Old 02-05-2020, 05:21 AM
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Does your wife not drink? If this is the case then that is a big plus in your favor. I had that situation and if your other half is very understanding like mine, you can have your moments of insanity and get a little me time and meditate or take a nap and they understand, kinda. You have to do this for you and if you fix you then everyone benefits. Best wishes for you on your journey!
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Old 02-05-2020, 05:43 AM
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I quit smoking at the same time so that probably added a little to the crazy!
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Old 02-05-2020, 05:55 AM
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Welcome to SR Noam. You don't need to be down in some deep valley to realize that you need to make some changes and it is awesome that you are now going to do that. 10 days is certainly an awesome start. If you are a numbers and science person, do some deep research on the physical effects of alcohol on all of our physical systems. Watch a documentary called FedUp and you can see what sugar does to us and then times that by 10 when our preferred form of sugar becomes alcohol. Plenty of data and science out there for you to chew on. Make sure to seek out support from others who know what you are going through, both here on SR and in real life. It doesn't have to be AA. Just personal conversations with others who don't drink anymore. There are plenty of us out there. You don't have to cry and collapse into an emotional heap either, like you data-driven guys are terrified of. Just talk. Calm, clear, quiet and provable. Keep posting and let us know how things are going.
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Old 02-05-2020, 04:38 PM
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No, my wife doesn’t drink. She tried it when we were in college, got sick once and hasn’t touched it since. Plus, I imagine, my drinking soured her on ever trying it again as well. So that does help.

I’m hanging in there. Day 16 now. I barely thought about it today. Busy day at work. This morning I checked in here, wrote my daily affirmations and since then it was off my mind until I realized it was after 7 pm...which meant I had hit day 16 on my sobriety counter!

it feels like such a relief to have had just one day where it was just an after thought. Can’t get complacent though.
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