Hi everyone, I have posted on and off over the years and have always come back to read the threads when I’ve been struggling with my ex addict partner and find your words of wisdom so helpful and no one else seems to understand the way this forum does.
So on that note I would like to share how I’m feeling and see if anyone can help me work out how to let this go.
My ex is addicted to heroin (currently on subutex) and uses crack and Xanax.
His addiction spiralled out of control when I was pregnant with our son and has remained steady with him binging to the point of overdose sometimes for 2 weeks then “clean” for 2 weeks for the last 2 years.
Hes had sporadic contact with my son during these “clean” periods and also has developed epilepsy as a result of his drug use and I have been witness to many of his seizures which have been really traumatic for me to cope with when he has one in my company.
He has been offered a residential rehab place for 3 months that he’s to go to in 3 days.
For some reason I feel really angry about this. I have learned over the years to never enable his addiction, I go no contact when I find he’s been using. I have strict boundaries for myself and overall feel much healthier in dealing with it over the last year or so.
I've had a hard a time myself though and have started a degree and completed a full time course to get onto it when my son was just 9 months old and all the usual single parent worries with money and no spare time etc.
Im at the stage where I feel I can really reflect on how disgusting his behaviour was towards us, stealing, lying constantly, cheating and his dysfunctional enabling family who don’t like me as I have pointed out they just enable him and his lifestyle.
I feel like he chooses to take drugs, has had long enough to sort it out and is on a maintenance prescription. He has access to meetings, has group therapy once a week so why does he need to go to this?
He has told me that once he is recovered after rehab he can be the partner and parent to our son that he always wanted to be. I find this hard to believe as he is such a selfish individual drugs or no drugs.
i think I’m resentful he gets to swan off for 3 months with no responsibility yet again, have everyone tell him how wonderful he is and I’m still left struggling and bringing up our son with no help because he can’t just quit and grow up.
I know it’s more complex than this and he really has been awful to me at times that my empathy for him has disappeared.
I feel he chooses this and if his son who adores him isn’t enough to quit what is? He says he’s only going as his family expect him to and he is one for just doing as he’s told with little control over his own life.
help me resolve these feelings please, I should be happy he is getting help but I just feel odd and as if he has caused me all this damage now he gets to be “fixed” and have a new life and I’m still trying to pick mine up alone