Whenever I believe another person's behavior to be the root cause of issues that I am having, I am merely being distracted by their behavior and wind up missing the bottom line origin of why I feel the way I do.
I am an alcoholic who has been in recovery for my issues for a few years.
My wife is not an alcoholic but has been in recovery for her issues for a few years. She actually got into recovery long before our paths ever crossed 35 years ago.
She has her version of what a clean house is and how the responsibilities for obtaining that should be dealt out.
I have my version of what a clean house is and how the responsibilities for obtaining that should be dealt out.
The two don't match.
Her version is not any more right than my version. It is strictly her version.
My version is not any more right than her version. It is strictly my version.
We are life partners. We discuss our differing points of view and reach a compromise. That is how we coexist. During our discussions, alcohol, recovery, past behavior, etc; none of that comes up because none of those have anything to do with what actually causes our points of view to be different.
We borrow from St. Francis and seek to understand rather than be understood. Part of understanding is recognizing and respecting each other's personal boundaries. As long as we do that, I anticipate many more years of being partners.