elihoping

So while I still have active alcoholics in my life, I'm not living with one or in a romantic relationship with one. However, having grown up with alcoholic/emotionally distant parents, I have spent my entire life obsessed with other people's approval. In particular, authority figures. I'm so tired of it.

So my problem is this - I quit a job just before the holidays because they were taking advantage of me. I definitely didn't do a good job of how I quit. I did it by text. I've tried to make amends but they don't want to accept and have become incredibly vindictive. They now want me to sign a confidentiality agreement, which I originally agreed to but when I got it checked by a lawyer, I was advised not to sign it. I emailed them this morning to let them now and now I'm living in fear and jumping every time my phone beeps. Like, I know I've done the right thing for me but I'm terrified of their reaction. It's insane. I'm always working so hard to make people like me. I've made stupid decisions in my life based on this and I'm so terrified of losing that approval. I know the phrase "what other people think of me is none of my business" but knowing and feeling it are two different things. Has anyone had any experience of learning to not care about this type of thing? I'm sending myself crazy over this. It's been nearly a month since I quit and I still spend all of my time obsessing over it.