Chococat...
I can relate. Cocaine became my life. Though I've always been a good addict in that I overused and abused anything I put into my body, cocaine was, for me, the worst. Today, I still have a hard time talking about it...it was that psychologically addictive for me.
I've been clean a little more than three years. I can only tell you what worked for me. Meetings. Sponsor. Steps. I could not have stayed away from it without a program. A rehab might help you - if you've never been to one, it's like a crash course in how not to use & most include a heavy regimine of meetings. I go mainly to AA now, just because I prefer that program in my area, so if you don't have a large number of NA meetings in your area, don't let it stop you. Just substitute "drugs" for "alcohol" in your mind when you hear the steps. That's assuming you want to go - but I can't tell you any other way to get clean and stay clean. I've tried the psychological approach, I've tried medicine and psychotropic drugs to change my mental make-up so that I wouldn't crave, I've tried diet and exercise, and I've tried straight religion. I've read a mountain of "power of positive thinking"-type self-help books. The twelve steps and the result of them fill the hole inside me that I tried to fill with coke & other drugs.
I don't know your boyfriend or your mother, but I will tell you that from my experience and hearing the experience of others, if they're supportive now and you have a desire now to make a change, it will only get harder if you wait. Whatever you've lost in this short period of time will seem little to what the disease will take from you the longer it goes on. It's not a matter of discipline, will power or self-control - it's a mental obsession to use coupled with a physical compulsion to use more and more that we deal with. Without help, it's too much for us. The good news is that you are not alone. Go to meetings, find a sponsor, and work the steps - and you'll find your freedom.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Peace & Love,
Sugah