Hey man welcome . thats good you got that **** off your chest. This is a good place for it. But not out of the woods yet my brother. We got work to do. Get you back in shape fpr this thing called life. A sober life my friend. You havent tried that road maybe thats what is missing . just one day at a time. Time takes time.got to reprogram the mind set. But first we have to purge that funk out of ya. Cant build a foundation in sand feel me. Stick around here. Us folks are in the recovery business. Lol. ✌