Railtek

Ah human emotions... It's these things that make our world what it is. From choosing a movie to toppling governments or just plain old simple relationships that work or do not work.

Throw in wants , desires and coping mechanisms step back and you will notice we are just not that really good at living are we. Either we are are hurting or we hurt back.

God how selfish is my life. Year after year iam justing wasting away in my negative emotions, my depression, my mistakes , my regrets, insecurities etc etc . The selfish act of wollawing in my "misery" and using it as a excuse to get wasted. Addiction is literally just the selfish emotion in overdrive.

2 years went by since my last relationship ended, this girl just txtd me to "check in" and say she had no grudges. Ok that's good..she told me some things about her life etc and then just proceeded to small talk. We had a pretty serious but turbulent relationship.

I told her that i haven't moved on.. I figured why small talk .right? You gotta say these things.

Anyway , didn't even get a reply back dammit 😏
she was not good for me but I can't forget her..why!

Fine, so be it. It made me realise that I still hold this grudge and I didn't feel better talking to her and I realised why I ended it. I just don't like her as a person....

i didn't drink today but iam saddened at my low level of emotional intelligence and resilience due to 15 years of daily drinking. And I have a very long road ahead. Once sober and in recovery I can process my emotions and start to become a better person so I can finally move up in the world.

Atm I only have enough emotional resilience too hold down a job and drinking has caused this. And I have 0 confidence in a relationship due to the chaos I will bring the next woman I meet.

I got some work to do on myself and be a better man as I've lost so much time already.

Awake61

You came here and shared. That means, to me anyways, that you truly want sobriety. You can do this.

SoberRican

Hey man welcome . thats good you got that **** off your chest. This is a good place for it. But not out of the woods yet my brother. We got work to do. Get you back in shape fpr this thing called life. A sober life my friend. You havent tried that road maybe thats what is missing . just one day at a time. Time takes time.got to reprogram the mind set. But first we have to purge that funk out of ya. Cant build a foundation in sand feel me. Stick around here. Us folks are in the recovery business. Lol. ✌

Dee74

I think you'll be surprised at how fast we can grow when we put the bottle down RT.

I considered myself pretty weak with a low value as a human being for a long time.

Getting sober showed me just how capable I was....and nowhere near as bad a person as I thought I was.

Just the simple fact of dealing with things rather than running away to the bottle can't help but be a growth experience.

D

Surrendered19

If I were you Railtek, I would perhaps take some time away from relationships. Or at least searching for relationships. If it happens it happens, but it sounds like you know yourself well enough to know that you aren't necessarily good for anyone right now. I think getting some sober time under your belt will provide you with the calm and judgment to look at all of your relationships and, if one turns out not to be working, you can move on without that being the end of the world.

boreas

Awareness of our shortcomings is the first step towards becoming the person we want to be. The ability to pinpoint the things you want to change shows a level of emotional maturity not everyone has.

Sustained sobriety is an essential part of personal growth, IMO. This growth helps prepare you to fully participate in healthy, fulfilling relationships.

Better to focus on what you will do today and going forward rather than beating yourself up about the past. I think if you took a poll, we would all say we wish we’d woken up sooner.

Introspection and change is both difficult and so fulfilling. Best wishes to you.
-bora

Railtek

[QUOTE=boreas;7342589]

Sustained sobriety is an essential part of personal growth, IMO. /QUOTE]

I agree it's not a flick of a switch but a process. In a sense like a major body transformation through exercise . Gotta put in the hard work.

NicLin

Ha, you are NOT alone.

I myself have either chosen relationships that I knew were set to fail or on my final attempt to a "real" relationship, was with a very kind and gently man who I definitely did not appreciate and thought needy. I realize now that it was my active addiction that has been stunting me from creating and having meaningful relationships with men, friends and family.

Emotionally stunted is what I call it, but you know what, we get to at least SEE that we are here, which is already a massive step in self-awareness. You should be very proud. The second we begin to see us as we are, we can start to move forward in correcting and learning the new behaviors which will allow us to better people with others.

Sounds like the road to self-love has started. And give yourself time, I am not sure if you are working a program but for me, AA has introduced me to so many wonderful people. I am seeing my peers getting involved in relationships in early sobriety and some are working and some are not but I am listening to my sponsor, who says that I should give myself much needed time to get to know who I am. I have no idea yet, so how can I choose and keep a mate that suits me as a person?

I am excited for this when the day comes, but right now I am perfectly content working my program, meeting new people and not having the pressure of needing a relationship. There is peace in not rushing this.

Of course, and even more these days over the holidays, I miss the connection and affection and all that comes with a relationship. But, when I really think about it, I understand that I am not there yet. I have a lot more loving to give myself. It makes me smile knowing that I am putting myself first for once.

We attract what we are and I cannot to see what happens down the road I wish the very same for you, my friend. There is a BIG difference between being selfish and practicing self-love. It is more than ok, it is essential for us to move forward. Just wait, you'll see

Nic.

boreas

I look at it as part of my life’s journey, and as such it is never-ending. I just try to do better today than yesterday, Sobriety is a part of that effort.

Exercise is part for me as well. It is important for me to feel strong and fit, as it makes me feel more prepared for the inevitable challenges that come along.

Alcohol abuse is part of me, but is far from my only flaw. This distinction is important to me, as my issues with alcohol don’t define my character or life. It’s just a piece of the story.
-bora