Hi, good morning/evening/afternoon/night everybody.
Thanks for the replies to my defeatist post yesterday. It's all another chapter in the tiresome sage of me. I wish I could stop thinking about myself all the time. It just doesn't stop. I'd like to rip it all out and have a refurb.
Yesterday I told a friend that I was drinking again. How I'm low, really miserable. She asked what was bothering me - most people think that events are what control our moods. They get something, they're happy; they lose something, they're sad. I said nothing particularly had happened and that being miserable was just my nature. She said that was ridiculous, that I was the complete opposite of that, not taking anything seriously, always laughing, joking etc. I was quite surprised by that. We only see the surface of others - if we can be bothered to look at all.
So yes, still not managed to get on the sober path - woke up , felt rough so I had a can of lager. That's my day sorted out. They're holding some festival tomorrow - Christian in origin I believe, really co-opted from the pagan Winter Solstice celebrations. Up here - unlike London - all shops will be shut, so as insurance I bought myself a litre of vodka and a lot of lager. Of course it would only be there to be used in an emergency. This transparent idiot reasoning used to justify drinking - well I've bought it now, may as well drink it.
I hope you're all doing better than I am. I'm setting the bar low there. I'm on my own this Christmas. I don't mind. A lot of people who don't really know me are surprised by this.
I hope you all have a lovely Christmas. I'll be looking in.