Originally Posted by
fortworthnative 
Possibly a really stupid question, but do you think the majority of married people can honestly answer these questions with positive answers? What is reasonable? I assume that these things that he is saying to me most people would say or not say it to them by their spouses.
I assume you mean the questions you quoted from Tally's original 2011 post (?)
I don't think people in healthy relationships would have to ask themselves most of those questions.
I could have applied all those questions to my AXH and that marriage ... however, I am remarried now and half of them don't in any way fit into an actual question about my current husband. The ones that do apply all have positive answers. The difference is that I am no longer married to an alcoholic, so this relationship is far healthier.
That crappy feeling in the pit of your stomach is your instincts talking to you, I hope you are listening to them.
My AXH used to say the same kinds of things to me that your is currently saying to you. In some ways he was right.... because his alcoholism and my codependence were actually driving me "crazy". All that noise in my head, some put there by him, and then the circular conversations my brain would have with it's self around all that crap was definitely crazy making. He wanted to keep me off balance. I let him get away with it for far too long. He was disrespecting me, but so was I. I deserved better treatment, from both of us.
No one should ever be told their feelings are wrong. You feel what you feel, period. Don't doubt yourself. Your husband is an alcoholic trying to protect his disease. He was willing to jeopardize your son's life, so ruining your self esteem isn't exactly beyond the lengths he will go to.
I hope you get to enjoy some peace and quiet when you take your get away. Let all that noise in your head die down so that you can listen to your instincts on this.
Hang in there, I know how hard this is. Deep breaths, lots and lots of deep breaths.