Blech. I read the above and it feels lonelier than I realized.
I don't think it sounds lonely, I think you sound like a strong survivor.
I don't put my stuff out there for people to dissect, either. I think it's a Human trait to be self-sufficient and adaptive.
With that said, there is no benefit to stuffing it down with drugs and alcohol. The emotions are normal and I believe we can all overcome pasts that are not perfect.
No one has a picket fence perfect past
I know I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself because no one validated my emotions or feelings - but then I realized that is my job anyway!