I have done in-patient rehab, therapy, AA, spoke to doctors. My mother was an alcoholic and recently died. I also believe there were several alcoholics on both sides of the family including grandparents and uncles. I think I genetically predisposed for alcoholism. On top of it all, I have Attention Deficit Disorder. I lost everything already and live alone. Ruined my career. I think I just don't have a reason to be sober. Haven't seen family/friends in years. Sobriety doesn't really change much for me.
Probably feeling sorry for myself, but I have tried many things. I literally just wander around the city by myself. My 8th Christmas alone coming up. Boredom, loneliness, hopelessness....those things are my biggest triggers.