Anaya

Thank you so very much for sharing the link. What is shared is certainly an eye opener, the text speaks volumes.

The last two paragraphs follow, with me taking the liberty of copying and pasting: Firstly, RE: "PS: I really, really need help — but you CANNOT do this work for me (not without making things worse for both of us!). Remember, we’re co-addicted to each other, so we’d never go to an addict to get help, right?

Where it says, "...but you CANNOT do this work for me..." Something I have finally accepted; so, who the heck am I to think I can "help him fix" his (abandonment) issues. I am responsible for myself, my choices, my actions, my self preservation.

Otherwise, I used to wish he would have been willing to go for marriage counseling but now am sort of relieved he refused, which takes me to the next copied and pasted section from the above, secondly, RE: "...Only a therapist, with experience in this, stands a chance, and even then, only if I choose to really, really, really let him/her! (That’s because I’d have to face my greatest fear that, not only am I not superior to everyone and thus not entitled to make and break rules as I please, but I’d also have to own — that my own actions, thoughts and beliefs about myself and others — are THE main cause of the suffering in my life … and changing them, THE solution.


So as far as "only a therapist with experience in this.." That's what I've learned doing research, that unless a therapist is aware of and experienced (re: NPD), couples doing the narcissistic and codependency dance while going for marriage counseling might possibly prove disastrous (e.g., the "narcissist" actively manipulating the sessions and so further punishing the spouse).