Piperdream, I am glad for you.
Honestly, you story is one of the most - I don't even know how to describe it, mixed up? stories I have come across here.
Yes, I think reading about narcissism is not a bad thing at all. Your STBexAH certainly shows traits of something more than alcoholism (if that weren't enough).
It will take time, as you know and the only way through it, is through it as they say. But I just know that in a few months you will be posting that you are happier!
You a nice and generous person, please protect yourself and your feelings.