Maresy, the damage done is too great for you to get past. There is nothing wrong w/what you're feeling. Sometimes things are so broken that they simply can't be fixed, and it sounds like you're there. The trust is gone. You do NOT owe him endless "re-do's"; you have a life of your own and a responsibility to yourself.
It might help to remember that you are not the source of the problem, even though I'm sure he will tell you that you are. He made the choices he made, and as an adult, he had every right to make them. However, as an adult, he also gets to face the consequences of those choices. He brought that on himself, not you or your lack of compassion or lack of understanding or general cruelty or whatever he might choose to accuse you of on any given day.