I dunno about you wl but when I was deep in my alcoholism I was not in my right mind.
Sounds like your mom might have been the same way - maybe your dad was codependent.
Maybe they were both a little bizarrely put together like my folks.
I'm a musician. My folks threw out dozens of cassette tapes I'd made on my 4 track machine - decades worth - cos they 'took up too much room'.
One small duffel bag, LOL.
Whats done is done man.
It would be a tragedy for you to keep yourself in pain for something you can't do anything about now.
D