Took me so long to figure this out.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Took me so long to figure this out.
My mother died last year. From what I was told, she just 'passed out' on the sofa and didn't wake up again. Taken to the hospital right into palliative care. I got a call from my father to say 'your mother is dying, all her organs are riddled with tumours'. She has 48 hours to live.
I am not sure if my parents didn't think for one second I wouldn't call to confirm. I called the hospital to confirm. I spoke to the nurses and was told she is 'very comfortable' no pain. Meaning, my mother is dead pretty much.
It is rare to just die from cancer. It is a progressive disease that takes a long progressive course.
My parents hid her diagnosis from me for a few years I believe. I never got to say good-bye or see my mother in two years. They kept me away. So angry! My mother neglected me from day one I was born and didn't even have the decency to tell me she was dying. **** her, burn in hell!
I called her every holiday, birthday, asked her how she was doing for 10 years after I got out of rehab from alcoholism. She never let me come over to the house. I asked to every Christmas to visit and was told some excuse.
I am not sure if my parents didn't think for one second I wouldn't call to confirm. I called the hospital to confirm. I spoke to the nurses and was told she is 'very comfortable' no pain. Meaning, my mother is dead pretty much.
It is rare to just die from cancer. It is a progressive disease that takes a long progressive course.
My parents hid her diagnosis from me for a few years I believe. I never got to say good-bye or see my mother in two years. They kept me away. So angry! My mother neglected me from day one I was born and didn't even have the decency to tell me she was dying. **** her, burn in hell!
I called her every holiday, birthday, asked her how she was doing for 10 years after I got out of rehab from alcoholism. She never let me come over to the house. I asked to every Christmas to visit and was told some excuse.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,448
I'm sorry that your mother kept you away and that you weren't told she was sick until it was too late. I hope you can find some peace. I have had huge anger issues with the way my mother treated me all my life. Thankfully, I rarely have those feelings anymore. Remember that you are allowing your mother to continue to hurt you, even after she is gone. Don't give her the power to do that to you.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
I'm so sorry. My mom has been shunning me 6 years now because of religion. It took me 2 full years to work through it. Waves of anger and sadness came at me. You WILL get through this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
She was an alcoholic for 30 years. I called her out on that in person. Was banished forever. I never was invited to my parents new house after they threw all my childhood possessions out
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
Originally Posted by Wastinglife 
She was an alcoholic for 30 years. I called her out on that in person. Was banished forever. I never was invited to my parents new house after they threw all my childhood possessions out
I read some of your other posts and it sounds like she was pretty sick mentally too. I came to understand the way my mother treated me had nothing to do with me. It just really sucks when it's your mom.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Alcoholism is one of the most selfish conditions imaginable. While not as extreme I shudder at some of the things I did to those around me while I was actively using.
What will likely be helpful for you in the long run is to embrace the opportunities you have to break free from addiction yourself.
What will likely be helpful for you in the long run is to embrace the opportunities you have to break free from addiction yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 33
my dad got sober about 40 years ago.
he had a tumored kidney removed about three years ago.
I know he's had other invasive surgeries... but my parents are keeping it under wraps.
makes me sad that they dont either want to "burden" me with this info, or just dont want to tell me...
he had a tumored kidney removed about three years ago.
I know he's had other invasive surgeries... but my parents are keeping it under wraps.
makes me sad that they dont either want to "burden" me with this info, or just dont want to tell me...
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
I dunno about you wl but when I was deep in my alcoholism I was not in my right mind.
Sounds like your mom might have been the same way - maybe your dad was codependent.
Maybe they were both a little bizarrely put together like my folks.
I'm a musician. My folks threw out dozens of cassette tapes I'd made on my 4 track machine - decades worth - cos they 'took up too much room'.
One small duffel bag, LOL.
Whats done is done man.
It would be a tragedy for you to keep yourself in pain for something you can't do anything about now.
D
Sounds like your mom might have been the same way - maybe your dad was codependent.
Maybe they were both a little bizarrely put together like my folks.
I'm a musician. My folks threw out dozens of cassette tapes I'd made on my 4 track machine - decades worth - cos they 'took up too much room'.
One small duffel bag, LOL.
Whats done is done man.
It would be a tragedy for you to keep yourself in pain for something you can't do anything about now.
D
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