Hi Pinnacle,
My mother died recently (September 30th). I got sober one month to the day of her passing, for which I am so very grateful.
I've found that the grief can be intense and challenging. I'm finding it also opens up... opportunities in a way, though that isn't maybe quite the right word. If a big grief 'breaks' the heart, and grief is definitely a natural part of the life experience, maybe these experiences are actually an opportunity or invitation, even a gift, an opportunity for Life to create an opening in hearts that, in this world, so often learn to harden and clench out of habituated protection.
There is a poem that I now keep posted that has helped me. Maybe it will resonate and offer comfort to you, as well:
There is a brokenness
out of which comes the unbroken,
a shatteredness
out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow
beyond all grief which leads to joy
and a fragility
out of whose depths emerges strength.
There is a hollow space too vast for words
through which we pass with each loss,
out of whose darkness we are sanctified into being.
There is a cry deeper than all sound
whose serrated edges cut the heart
as we break open
to the place inside which is unbreakable
and whole
while learning to sing