So Sorry for your loss.
I think staying sober is very noble as drinknig will not change a damn thing!
I was in an AA meeting last week and this woman my age, lost her 7-year-old nephew that was like a son to her, she remains sober. Through the strength of that little boy and how he encouraged her to be sober, it was amazing to see the strength she had to do what she set out to do even after something so tragic.