trailmix

I'm going to guess that loop is still playing?

The mind doesn't much like to dwell on the negative and the pain.

It's kind of like if you broke your leg, it's very painful, you have to have it set, miss work which caused financial hardship as well etc etc.

So say you had a cast and you started hobbling in to work. People are bringing you your coffee, maybe buying you lunch and sitting in with you having a chat. Asking if they can help. Signing your cast. Another family member has been staying with you, helping you around the house, fixing your meals.

A few month later you aren't going to be thinking about the first part, but you will smile when you remember the day the cast came off and how you kind of hated to part with it because it had fun messages on it and when you see a plastic container in your cupboard that you need to return to a family member, that will bring back some good memories too.

So when thinking about your EXAB, the same generally applies. You think about those few times when you were actually laughing, having a good time or some nice place you went and what it could have all been like if he wasn't an active alcoholic.

That's when writing down all the negatives helps. A list of every mean and terrible thing he said to you, a list of his worst traits etc and refer to that everytime the "good" loop starts playing. Because that is the reality and your mind will eventually pick up that thinking about EXAB is not fun nor happy.

It works, just have to keep at it.

As for watching him online - that is rather hurtful to you? It's rather meaningless really, if you posted on FB several months ago, I'm sure you wouldn't have been posting pictures of him in a drunken rage?