I see booze differently that I did 5 years ago.
I was a binger that sometimes drank every day.
I would quit for 1 day to 8 months.
I thought the feeling of needing a drink after any layoff was a reward. Really, it was a desperate feeling.
I found that my mind a body desperately needed the booze otherwise overwhelming feelings of anguish and paranoia set in.
Suffering through those feeling was hell on earth. Those feelings would lessen or strengthen depending on a myriad of stimulus.
Even today, I am still getting those feelings but they have almost went away.
Feeling normal to me is now like a gift from God. Strutting through the mall or driving my car feeling fine.
I still get a little paranoid here and there, but am so used to it that it feels ok.
I can never drink again or risk a full on degradation of my 4 plus years of healing. The next recovery process may do something even worse like alter my speech, make me cross eyed, or cause a permanent stagger in my step.
I am good just like this.
Booze is poison.
Thanks.