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Three months

Old 11-29-2019, 11:42 PM
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Three months

Sobriety status: three months.

When I reread my early contributions here, there's so much whistling in the dark. I vividly remember how panic-fuelled I was when I started writing here. And how hopeful.

Fast forward to today. There're contradicting urges in me, I accepted that. It's sometimes a steady up & down, compulsion ON, compulsion OFF. I'm starting to learn not to be tempted or sad about it. There's a domineering fear to relapse in me, this fear tends to blow every little urge out of proportion, sometimes I'm not sure whether I'm confronted with compulsion or this fear. Anyway, for three months now I follow my little compass and I'm bloody fine.

Shrink, CBT-therapeut, meetings: all that is vital to me. But I owe everything I am today to this forum!

My life changed, I am very, very happy about it!
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Old 11-29-2019, 11:47 PM
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Wow Ravel great job!!!

I have a little over 4 months and wow, the differences I am noticing are incredible. Most noticeable is the ability to STOP and re-assess my thinking, stop them in their tracks and play the tape when I think about a drink. I would say that the obsession to drink is gone, but the alcoholic thinking is def still there. I mean, this is conditioning over the course of 17 years so of course it will not go away after 5 months!

But we continue to do the work, watch our tricky egos and trudge along!

Congrats to you, keep going and I also love this forum, I came on here when Iw as toying with idea of quitting and now come on here every night to check in.

Very grateful and go you!
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Old 11-29-2019, 11:55 PM
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Lovely to see you embrace sobriety.
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Old 11-30-2019, 03:33 AM
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I give you many props for sticking it out. My friend. It is a very rewarding feeling to have yeah? I like it so much I'm at 210 days myself. And yes my SR crew you included have a major part in doing what I'm doing. ✌
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Old 11-30-2019, 03:37 AM
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Fantastic Ravel!!!
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Old 11-30-2019, 03:45 AM
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We all have a fear of relapse, Jan, as well as the occasional urge, but like you we get stronger and can deal with it.

I was about to post asking how you were getting on, but you beat me to it. I certainly didn’t notice your original posts were panic stricken, but if you’re feeling calmer in general, that’s brilliant.

Oh and well done and herzlichen Glückwunsch (congratulations) for three months!!!

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Old 11-30-2019, 03:47 AM
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Great stuff. Keep doing what you're doing and the urges become fewer
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Old 11-30-2019, 03:58 AM
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Congrats keep it up 👍
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Old 11-30-2019, 05:04 AM
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congrats!
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Old 11-30-2019, 05:23 AM
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I see booze differently that I did 5 years ago.

I was a binger that sometimes drank every day.

I would quit for 1 day to 8 months.

I thought the feeling of needing a drink after any layoff was a reward. Really, it was a desperate feeling.

I found that my mind a body desperately needed the booze otherwise overwhelming feelings of anguish and paranoia set in.

Suffering through those feeling was hell on earth. Those feelings would lessen or strengthen depending on a myriad of stimulus.

Even today, I am still getting those feelings but they have almost went away.

Feeling normal to me is now like a gift from God. Strutting through the mall or driving my car feeling fine.

I still get a little paranoid here and there, but am so used to it that it feels ok.

I can never drink again or risk a full on degradation of my 4 plus years of healing. The next recovery process may do something even worse like alter my speech, make me cross eyed, or cause a permanent stagger in my step.

I am good just like this.

Booze is poison.

Thanks.
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Old 11-30-2019, 05:42 AM
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Reading all of this reminds me of me. I also love this place! I also owe a lot of my recovery to the wonderful people of SR! I wondered a lot in the beginning how long would it take and how much better it would get. It has gotten much, much better. A year was a big one but it has steadily gotten better and better and easier. I had a lot of trouble working on things at first cause I was always high or drinking when I did anything. Now I am much more comfortable with everything. Best wishes for you on your journey! 3 months is awesome!
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Old 11-30-2019, 09:23 AM
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So pleased for you, Jan. I share your ambivalence about drinking, have a constant little worry or fear of "what if."

I used to think that was a bad thing, something to fear. Today I think it's only natural for someone like me to want to drink. It's not scary or bad or a sign of weakness; it just is.

As long as I don't drink.

O
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Old 11-30-2019, 02:25 PM
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Congrats on your sober time Jan.

I'm not sure what I was expecting but for me those random fleeting thoughts or desires become more and more laughable as time went on.

thoughts are thoughts - its what we do with them that counts

D
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Old 11-30-2019, 02:26 PM
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Congrats on three months sober! Keep going, it gets better.
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Old 11-30-2019, 02:49 PM
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Great share, Ravel- thanks.
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Old 11-30-2019, 03:07 PM
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3 months! That is so wonderful.
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Old 11-30-2019, 03:38 PM
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Congrats on three months! Great milestone
I heard something in a meeting today- "I do not get up in the morning and ask my self , what is wrong with me? I have 35 days of NOT having to do that.
Three whole months- beautiful sobriety-

Love your Avatar- It is looking alert and confident.
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